 |
 |
||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||
|
Expert Share This page is devoted to comments made form the experts - the users, addicts, whatever you wish to call them. They alone can cry for abstinence, they alone can make the changes, they alone can describe the pain, so listen to them. Sorry we do not have a postal budget - we can only accept e-mail, fax or telephone messages. Please remember that your local authority might provide facilities at your local library for you to arrange to have your own e-mail address and also allow yout to access our website via their computer equipment. Find out today?
Telephone / Fax: 01333 423927
Pamela's invitation Hiya my name is pamela, (real name), I was a binge alcoholic for 28 years, steadily geting worse by the year until drinking a litre or so of vodka a day, i lost my self respect, morals, my family, and allmost lost my daughter to alcohol addiction, i`d cheat, lie, steal to feed my addiction and i hated myself and the life i led,,,now my life has been completely turned round, and i have all those things back and more!!!, you can too!!!, it so saddened me to read alex`s comments about not being able to afford to go to rehab!!, and its not true!!,,,,,,,,, I and about half a dozen others, most of whom are x-addicts, either drugs, alcohol or both, run an organisation called Streetchallenge which helps people with addictions find places into christian rehabs, and there are quite a few!!,, 5 in scotland, and about 12 scattered throughout england, ireland n wales,,, in all but 2 cases, all ud need is your travel expenses there, and back for when the programme finished, ok so all of them are`nt in scotland, does it really matter!?,isn`t gettin clean n gettin ur life back more important than where ud be. Each rehab has different entry requirements, some you have to be on a certain limit of meth, they range between 25-40 mls, a couple detox you, some dont!!, but theres a place in glasgow that u can get a drug detox first b4 u go on 2 do a programme, n there`s a hospital in scotland that`ll detox peole wi alcohol problems, some rehabs are non-smokin, some allow it, if ur problems alcohol ud have 2 be free fi booze for 5 days, some are 12 steps,, some more godly than others, and lets face it, ok you may not think you believe in god n all that, but i bet most addicts have cried out to him at their lowest ebb, i know i did, curled up in a corner wi urine stained clothes ,wi the curtains shut hiding fi peope that i owed money to, crying, depressed, scared, alone,not wanting life to go on because i hated it soo much, and myself,, i think most people secretly believe in him, or want to think that someone loves us and is willing to help no matter what weve done or who we are!!,,,,,, his word says,"come to me all who are heavy laden, and i`ll give you rest!!". He came for the sinners!!, thats us wi problems!!!, and he can and will help if you give him the chance!!, yeah i know!!, i thought it was all crap too!!!.lol, but you`ve probably tried everything else, so why not give him a chance to prove he`s real, n see how he can change ur life for the better???,,,,,, the christian rehabs aren`t cult rubbish.lol, you`re free to leave if u dont like it.lol.,,,,gettin detoxed is only the first part of recovery, thats the easy bit!!lol, its keepin that way, and thats what rehab does, it deals with the reasons we got into our habit in the first place, n deals with the issues, they cud be anything fi, being sexually abused, physically abusive parents, no parents,family n relationship problems, anything really!!,, its basically gettin rid o the rubbish fi ur life that might cause you to lapse back into addiction and encouraging you, and builing up your self worth, and lettin you see life from a different angle,ok so they`ll pray for you and ask you to go to church!!???, is that such a big deal really!!!, they`re there to help, and they have so much love for people who are hurting, they dont judge!!,, anyway we run a streetcafe at whytes causeway baptist church ( round the corner fi kirkcaldy bus station) every 2nd sunday, there`s burgers n toasties , they`re free.lol., tea n coffee n biscuits, there`s usually a bit o music, testimonies fi peolpe who`ve been addicts n been thru the programme, or a short dvd, of rehabs, but most importantly real people who`ve had the same problems as you, and who know there`s a way out and want to help you!!, we`ll give you the info you need on rehabs, and help out wi application forms etc, and dont expect a bunch of old suited gentlemen, n women in twin sets n pearls n perms cos u wont find any!!!.lol., unless of course its lovely edith who does home baking for us all sometimes, n helps wi the tea.lol.,,, come n see us!!!!!, the next cafe is sunday the 27th of july!!!!!!!!!, I pray that u`ll grasp this chance, god bless and keep watch over you all!!!!!.xx. pamela .
Making drugs legal not a fix, say ex-users Legalize drugs? That's what I advocated in this space a month ago. By allowing licensed clinics to sell or dispense hard drugs, we could take business away from violent dealers and let rationality and regulated economics rule the streets instead of robbery and murder. Not so fast, say people who really know about heroin supply and demand. The hard-drug trade, say former patrons, doesn't have much to do with rationality. "I don't think that's going to stop the dealers from dealing," says Felicia, 47, a recovering addict who notes that even legalized methadone is bought and sold on the streets. "It may slow it down some. But there's always going to be someone out there that's going to sell to me. Always." A full discussion of selling Bad Azz heroin (named after a rap album) like Johnnie Walker scotch should include those who have copped a dime bag on the corner. I asked Felicia and two other recovering addicts at Man Alive's Their first point is that drug use is more than sticking a needle in your arm or a crack pipe in your mouth. "It ain't about the using," said one. "It's about the getting." Drugs are part of a way of life - robbery, gangs, prostitution - that would persist even if the delivery method changed, the women said. "Addiction is not just getting high," said Felicia, who like the other addicts isn't especially proud of her past and didn't want her last name used. "It's the whole thing - copping [buying on the street], stealing, whatever you do." Alcohol is legal, but "people out there will rob for a fifth of liquor because they can't get a dollar and 50 cents," she said. "They steal, they trick. They do the same thing. I've got friends that will go out there and hustle harder than me for a drink." Methadone also is legal, but plenty of methadone patients who are clean of heroin still break the law, she said. Legalization wouldn't eliminate illegal dealing, the women suggested. Heroin and cocaine fuel a multimillion-dollar economy that supports much of the inner city. Under legalization, "even people that don't use [are] going to find a way to get it, and they're going to sell it" - possibly to kids, said Ronnie. "Somebody's going to find a way to make a profit off the government." "You're not going to give up this way of making money," said Felicia. "There's too much money in this stuff for it to become legal. They don't want to give up their cut." And legal dispensation of hard drugs might not sate a citywide craving. Fearful of overdoses, legal clinics will know when to say when. But of course demand for addictive drugs goes way beyond medical guidelines, which could keep the corner bazaar alive. "So I'm going to go and get this free drug that the government is going to put out there," said Ronnie. "Now if it's good, and I like it, what am I supposed to do now? I don't know how many times a day they're going to give it out. Is it just that one time, or what?" And if heroin and coke are legalized, what about Ecstasy? What about crystal meth? "You're never satisfied," said Felicia. "I don't care if they give it to you. You're always going to want more." Legalization certainly wouldn't reduce the population of addicts. Quite the opposite. But what about other kids? She pauses a long time. "That's hard to say." Legalization might remove drugs' forbidden-fruit allure, she says, but she's not sure. Legalization won't stop addicts' risky behavior, all three women warned. "If they're giving it to you, you're still going to find a way of sharing a cook or a needle," said Felicia. "Or unprotected sex. That's not going to stop that." They also worried that legal purveyors might increase addiction by advertising or boosting potencies. Completely legalizing hard drugs has been much discussed but never done, although Switzerland and a few other countries allow legal, "medicalized" injection of heroin for the worst addicts. The policy has been linked to reduced crime. Any nation trying it would encounter devilish complications, several of which the recovering addicts at Man Alive identified. Policy could address their concerns - steer dealers into new careers, require on-premise drug consumption to prevent resale, beef up addiction treatment programs. But terrible unintended consequences would no doubt remain. Even so, we need to try something different. If by legalizing addictive drugs we fuel the forces of irrationality, would that be less irrational than what we're doing now?
DANNY My name is Danny and I'm thirty years old. I have been using drugs of sorts for fifteen years. At the start it was great - the feeling of rebellion and abandonment - smoking joints, dropping Es, speed - you name it and I took it. Then the "come downers" kick in Eh? You who are reading this and you who are using know all about that, don't you? That's where the "downers" come in just to get your head down at first - you know the score - you just can't sleep without them - murder! Then comes the Devil's Dust, kit, slag, heroin - call it what you like but you know what comes after the "honeymoon period"? Heartaches, illness, jail and all sorts of other nonsense and then ultimately death! Have you lost friends? I have! Didn't stop me. I put my mother and family through Hell - lies, deceipt, theft - sad, really sad. Then the heartfelt apologies after you've done you bag - and they are heartfelt at the time. I know. Anyway I'll get to the point. I have been in prison for the last five years and I had all the best intentions on release - but just went straight back out and broke every promise I made and ended up mad with it again. After my 30th birthday I took stock and thought about my life and where I was going - where would I be in ten years? Tell me - do you know any 40 year old addicts? They are few and far between. They are either clean now or DEAD! Well that's what I have decided to do - not for my Mum, my partner or for my family or anyone else but just for ME! I believe the change has to come from me. What's a few days pain when you can have a lifetime of happiness? Day by day - that;s the way. I think so now. I was a hopeless case but now I have a sense of hope and optimism. My Mum and my family talk to me again and hopefully in a year or two I will be an example to others. I don't know what the future holds - wish I did! Anyway - if you are thinking of trying to knock it on the head - Best of Luck.You never know, the reality may be a drug you could get addicted to. Cheers!
PETER Have you ever had days like this You know, the ones you can't resist? You've gone and done it, you've blown it again Another day dismantled with pills!
Have you ever tried so hard To give up the things that are sad To be lonely, lonely again To be the one with the thing?
I regret the things that I have done I must admit I've had so much fun Another junkie caught in a run Another day dodging the sun!
I am loaded, loaded again You've seen it before You'll see it again! Psychotic solutions are happening again They'll bang you up in the looney bin Oh No!! ALEX - I need help and I need it now! My name is Alex and I am 25 years old. I was born and brought up in Kennoway, I often feel like ending my life as I feel like I'm stuck in ground-hog-day the same shit - just a different day. People assume we do drugs because we want to. Sure, it starts off like that and it feels good but then you do it just to feel normal, to take away the pain. You lose everything as an addict; your morals, your self respect and your family and in most cases you are looked down upon as the scum of the earth - and believe you me I sometimes feel like that. Every addict gets to the stage where you don't want to do heroin any more. You want help and you want to change but need help and support to do it. You can't and won't do it by yourself.
Most drugs agencies take up to a year before they'll see you and then it's weeks of assessments. Then the very first time you muck up .....you are out! I did this myself but only after I told them repeatedly that the amount of methadone they gave me was not holding me but I was told to persevere - what a joke! I was then told to refer myself and they would see me in a matter of weeks - that was the middle of July and then it was another five weeks before I see someone and apparently I was not a priority because I told them that I didn't think the methadone worked for me. I could get a dehidracodeine detox with counselling. That was a bad move as I cut my own throat and put myself down the queue because that's all that will be offered to me so here we go again, same old story - but what other option is there? Rehab - I would go in a minute - no places available in Fife - no money to pay for anywhere else! I keep using and I can't afford it - sick of losing my family because of it - I don't feel I have an option. I feel I have no choice other than wait on an appointment with the local C.D.D.T. and take what they offer me whether I want that or not. I have even changed my GP in the hope that he would help me - only to have it taken away from me at the last minute - too many people were going to him. So now there are new policies stating that you have to be referred through - Guess who? - the CDDT or DAPPL. Got myself a social worker just to be told to keep the head down and keep doing what I have been doing and wait for an appointment. Keep doing what I have been doing? - what's that? - lying, cheating, stealing, begging, borrowing etc...an addict's life is shit and everyone thinks we like it! Would you? I have even asked the court to put me on a DTO (drug testing order) only to be told that I don't have a big enough criminal record. I didn't want a record to start with but when you need heroin, where do you get the money. Who do you turn to for help? Where is the help? My Mum said she would put me in a rehab is she had the money and I said I would go in a minute because all I want to do is get out of the shit I'm stuck in - but where is there a place? It all feels hopeless! Then sometimes you take heroin just to get rid of the pain of your life, if only for a little while. I've thought about suicide sometimes. That feels like the only way out but Mum always tells me they would have to bury her as well as she couldn't bear to lose any of her family. Deep down I don't want to but it feels like the only option. The addicts are saying methadone doesn't work - it takes too long and there is too much opportunity to abuse the system. You only have to see the amount of people who sell their scripts to buy heroin. You have to cut yourself off from friends. You get lonely, depressed and pissed off using. Heroin takes all these feelings away. Then it all starts again and you feel guilty for not making it, for letting people down and from having to go through everything again and again and to have to explain that you have failed! But I want to do it all again and how many times can one person do that. If we got the right help at the right time then that wouldn't happen and if GPs and drug teams actually listened to addicts then maybe things would get better for more people. Not every addict is telling lies or has another motive in the same way that not everyone is abusing methadone. I agree it might work for some but not anyone I know. I hope this has helped to let you see into life as an addict. It's not pretty. Alex.2005. |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
